


Tattooed Mistakes

by KyousBeads13



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-07-12 10:36:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyousBeads13/pseuds/KyousBeads13
Summary: Everyone knows why Taako's show came to an end... But what were the deeper psychological scars caused by the man who ruined his life?  They're something Kravitz must face in order to help Taako heal, and for their relationship's sake.Past Sazed/Taako.  Current Kravitz/Taako[ Please understand the tags/warnings.  This fic deals with very explicit topics. ]





	1. Making Up Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends, this fic kind of exploded out of nowhere. 
> 
> Before you read please understand that this fic deals with very explicit and troubling topics such as:  
> -Rape  
> -Abuse (physical and mental)  
> -Depression  
> -Self harm  
> -Anxiety/Attacks  
> -PTSD  
> -Blood mentions
> 
> If you are potentially triggered by any of those things, please stay safe and exit out. It's not worth your mental health.
> 
> It should go without saying that I don't condone anything in this fic. Everything that happens in it is very serious and this is not meant in any way to romanticize any of it. This is to show the beginning of a healing process, one that I am very familiar with.
> 
> Thank you for understanding.

Filling in a decade of missing time was a challenge, even when it was your own twin sister. 

If anything, that made it even more difficult.

There was something about being a twin that lent itself to being privy to most things about the other. After all, your twin is a level of ‘best friendship’ that transcended anything; the other was a literal part of you. Most times, that’s the most comforting bond of all...

But regardless of that bond, there were certain things that Taako found it hard to tell Lup about. Despite him trusting her with his life-hell, she  _ was _ his life-it just didn’t sound right in his voice. To be so small, and so broken was not something that he was accustomed to. Not anymore.

Despite the knowing looks from her matching green eyes, she knew not to press him when he really couldn’t be pushed further, and for that, he would be forever grateful. It was unspoken and  _ gods _ it felt good to have Lup back. He didn’t even know that she was missing, and yet somehow, life continued to insist that she was against all odds.

Being with her felt  _ right _ and so damn good, like the fractured person he believed himself to be finally made sense. His jagged edges fit somewhere. For once he was  _ happy _ . And once again he had  _ every reason _ to be happy.

His family was back, even more so than just Lup. Magnus and Merle, despite their luck in finding each other again, made sense. Lucretia and Davenport did too. Remembering Barry who had been trailing them quietly throughout their entire journey to try to lead them back home; the whole thing was invaluable.

Plus the new additions of Angus and Kravtiz made their already mismatched family that much greater, if at all possible. A ten year old kid and the fucking Grim Reaper, that was something that would make any fantasy sitcom a hit.

So many reasons to be happy. So. Many.

So why was he still plagued with the past?

Lup looked up to him from across the counter, a piece of toast dangling between her thumb and forefinger with a brow raised.

“You in there, dingus?” She asked with bemusement in her voice. Lup swallowed the bit of toast she was chewing, lips pursing as she put the toast down. “Taako?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re quiet, babe. Not like you.”

“I got shit to think about.” Taako deflected, putting his fork down on his still mostly full plate. Another thing about twins? They could usually tell when you were hiding something. Luckily for him, though, Lup wasn’t in the mood to be a bitch. At least for this moment.

“Ohhhhhhh kaaaaaay.” She drew the words out with a roll of her eyes, though Taako didn’t acknowledge it. It was uncomfortably silent for a few minutes as Taako speared at his eggs a bit more before getting up and dumping them in the trash. Barry passed by him giving him a glance out of the corner of his eye, not saying anything.

Taako had become kind of a staple in their home. Not that Barry minded very much, afterall, Taako insisted on cooking most of the time. Plus, Taako was an immovable part of Lup’s life, and he knew that better than anyone.

“Aren’t you meeting Kravitz soon?” Barry asked, leaning over the counter next to Lup. She smiled and kissed his temple over his glasses, the frames skewing slightly off his nose. A sideways smile painted his face as he straightened them out and watched Taako cross the kitchen.

“Yes.” The answer was curt as he waved his finger in a prestidigitation spell, removing the grime from the cook ware. 

“So, that’s why you’re so dodgy.”

“What?”

“You get like this whenever you’re supposed to go out with Krav. Trouble in paradise?” Lup prodded gently, getting up with her own plate. Her twin narrowed his eyes slightly, his finger swishing in her direction, the plate cleaning instantly in her hand. Barry looked up at Lup and chewed at the inside of his cheek.

“Lulu.” The nickname was a warning, low in his normally lofty voice. Barry’s eyes darted between the two, knowing that he should probably slip away before it came down to the yelling…

“Forgive me for worrying about my brother.” Again, she rolled her eyes, more dramatically this time while placing her plate on the counter by him. A lingering look his way was an uncomfortable weight before Lup put her arms around his middle and rested her chin on his shoulder. “Sorry, I just don’t like seeing you upset. If Kravitz isn’t making you happy then maybe it’s time to move on or something.”

“It’s not like that,” he began with a sigh heavily laced with his words. “Krav is wonderful, almost to a fault. No dude should be that good.”

“Well, the big nerd is pretty smitten with you.” She mentioned, seeing Taako finally smile if only slightly. “For whatever reason.”

“I’m just being stupid.” He told her, feeling the tickle of her unruly hair on his neck. “It’s been a shit show for Taako in the years you were gone.”

“Well, whenever I unlock that tragic backstory of your’s, lemme know. I’m all ears.”

“I know.”

“Better get going.” Lup squeezed his waist before letting go, walking off towards her husband who was no doubt waiting for her on the couch. 

Taako snorted to himself. 

Domestic-ass fucks.

~

A nice afternoon out cleared his mind, despite the anxiety that filled his stomach. Kravitz was such a soothing presence to be around that actually going out with him beat the nerves that tingled incessantly before he did. His mind screamed to stay home, but somehow, his legs always brought him where he needed to be.

“You coming in, handsome?” Taako asked with his hand on the doorknob to his place, back against the wood. Kravitz smiled that beautiful, charming smile that made Taako weak in the knees, reaching for Taako’s free hand. Once he had the slim fingers in his, Taako’s knuckles were pressed gently against those upturned lips, a squeeze to his palm keeping him grounded.

“I’m afraid I have to get back to work tonight.” Kravtiz told him, allowing the hand in his to fall back to the side of its owner. Taako nodded once, ponytail swishing against his back.

“Next time.” He murmured, standing up on tiptoes to peck Kravtiz warmly.

“Of course, love.” Stealing another kiss, Kravitz smiled again, stepping back and opening his palm. His scythe materialized and his hand closed around it, swiping through the air. A portal opened up and he stepped in, disappearing almost more quickly than Taako was ready for. His lovestruck smile faded gently as he turned back towards his door, unlocking it and walking into the empty apartment. He closed the door behind him, back still against the worn wood.

It was late evening, the far wall of his home painted in hues of rich orange and too-bright yellow, though it felt so dark and dreary. His breath caught in his throat and he found himself sliding down the door onto the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest.

And then Taako cried until there was no more color splashing on the walls. Just the croak of frogs and the occasional chirp of crickets. And dark.


	2. Just the Two of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review the tags above, things are going to start getting bad in this chapter. There's a lot of unhealthy coping.  
> If it will trigger you, please please please exit out and take care of yourself. Thank you.

It was their ritual after all was said, done, and packed up. Complete silence while knives were tucked into their velvet lined case, aprons tossed in a bin to be washed. They would approach the stagecoach, bubbling with excitement from another well done performance, barely making it inside before bursting out with laughter.

“They loved you here.” The man smirked to his partner who was currently propped up against the wall, legs crossed.

“Natch.” Taako shrugged it off like he didn’t have a giant grin painting his face. Taking his blonde hair into his hand, he undid the tight braid he’d tied earlier that day before shooting for the show. The locks tumbled down his shoulders as he leaned his head back, closing his eyes momentarily.

For someone who had never truly known acceptance,  _ Sizzlin it Up With Taako _ was an overwhelming source of happiness. He could prove himself to those members of his family who had shucked him off as a problem early on in his life and make use of the skills his Aunt had taught him. He could make a name for himself other than ‘the child’ as he’d been referred to as far back as his unusually fuzzy memory would allow.

But more so than that, he was proving to  _ himself _ that he was worth it. People adored his personality and dreamed to taste his cooking. He’d be stopped by people on the streets asking where his next show would be located or what he was making. He had everything he needed to make him happy.

The sound of rustling fabric pulled his lids open and Taako looked next to him where Sazed now sat. Taako smiled earnestly, tucking a bit of dark hair behind the other’s left ear and lingering for a moment too long.

Sazed was a young man, a bit too foolish and clumsy for his own good. He’d been with Taako since the beginning, since he had the stupid idea to begin this whole journey. Taako knew that he was in over his head before he’d even met Sazed and when the young elf had approached him, he tried to hide his need for assistance behind arrogance and sarcasm.

Sazed was either too stupid to care or just simply didn’t, and the two had been on the road together ever since.

A large hand covered his slim one and brought it to his lap, Sazed looking at Taako with those beautiful, sparkling blue eyes. Finding himself tugged forward, Sazed had connected their lips hard, Taako smiling into it with a hand cupping his cheek.

Things were great. Taako would say perfect, even.

Perfection is something that’s nearly impossible to maintain.

As the two got more involved, the more Sazed pushed his presence into Taako’s on-fantasy-screen personality. At first, Taako found it rather endearing, though after a while, things started to get uncomfortable for him. Something soured within his stomach whenever Sazed would sneak up on him from behind, hovering over him while he cooked.

Maybe it was the constant reminder that without him, Taako would be lost and confused, head barely above water. Knowing it was the truth, Taako would agree quietly, swallowing thickly as Sazed’s lips would caress the back of his neck, hair being pushed out of the way. He’d let go of his knife before he found himself spun around into the man's arms, the kiss painfully pleasant pressure on his lips.

He’d gone along with it, because this was his  _ partner _ . This is what intimacy was supposed to be.

Right?

There was a certain comfort that came from his body over him, the bruises on his hips, the hickies left on his neck. Taako argued that a scarf was always a good accessory, though when he was working with hot ovens and sweating, he wasn’t so sure.

But he never complained.

When Sazed would remain on set after he brought Taako something he needed, green eyes would shift to him in question and would usually be answered by a one-liner that earned a laugh from the expansive audience. It started to become Taako and Sazed in most aspects of his life, and he continued to smile until his freckled cheeks were sore, because Sazed was so important to him.

When fans would pull him aside now, they always asked about Sazed. How he was, if he was going to be on the show more… How  _ they _ were. The relationship had become as much a part of his famous personality as it had his every day one. He was defined by his relationship to Sazed, and if the aforementioned wasn’t present in an episode, hushed whispers would plague him wondering “what went wrong” and “they seemed so happy!”

And so, it was much easier to keep Sazed at fingertip distance, always in the wings to assist. He should be grateful to have someone to take care of him, to rub his shoulders when they hurt, to take care of him if he cut his finger (again) on his knife. He really would be useless without Sazed, as he liked to remind Taako of.

He was so grateful to have someone to love him and care for him so unconditionally, someone to come home to each night when he smelled of sweat and garlic and oregano and all he wanted was to sink into bed and sleep off the exhaustion.

Someone who would tug his clothes off of him the moment they were alone, kissing and grabbing holding him close, groping at the erection straining in his pants and making him moan and gasp under his touch. Sazed would take him from behind, strong hand tangled in blonde locks, pulling hard enough to pull tears to the corners of Taako’s eyes as he fucked himself backwards onto his cock.

Sazed always told him how beautiful he looked, how  _ good _ he was. And in those times, he felt validated to himself again. It felt as though he could defeat anything in his path.

But it turned out he couldn’t. And it turned out self loathing was much more powerful than those moments of validation.

“What if we just changed it a bit?”

“What do you mean?” Taako asked quietly, a bit too quietly.

“What if we made it  _ Sizzlin it Up With Taako… And Sazed?”  _ Taako sputtered over his drink for a moment, washing down the meal that Sazed had prepared for them. He had gotten much better at cooking, and it seemed the lessons Taako was giving him were paying off.

“Babe, I don’t know…” Taako could feel his stomach dropping as he sipped at his water. He felt protective of the show, as though he needed to defend it in order to defend himself. If the show wasn’t his anymore, then what did he have to show for himself? Not a whole lot.

“Are you saying no?” The question made it hard for Taako to breathe, the words ‘yes I am’ dying before they made it past his lips.

“I don’t want to say no,” he could see Sazed’s fingers tightening their grip on the wooden table top. “But there’s the brand to think of, Babe. Merchandising and all that, you know how it is. Remember how much time it took to make all those t-shirts? I don’t know about you, homie, but I wouldn’t want to do all that again.”

There was no more said over dinner, plates cleared and wine depleted. Taako found it hard to catch his breath, his tired eyes looking up through his side swept bangs, waiting for something that he couldn’t name. When the legs of the chair finally scraped against the wooden floor of the caravan, he winced so hard he nearly jumped and the motion was not lost on Sazed.

“Why are you being like this? Haven’t I done everything for you?” The man yelled, getting close enough to Taako for him to smell the sickly sweet wine on his breath.

“Sazed-”

“You owe me  _ everything _ Taako.” His voice was a dangerous whisper and Taako swallowed harshly.

“I owe you _nothing_.” Taako asserted, albeit shakily, standing so he didn’t feel so small. He towered at least a head above Sazed, though his lithe frame made him a little less intimidating than the stockier elf before him. “Sazed, you’ve done a lot and I appreciate that. But this whole gig is on Taako. It’s  _ my _ cooking and it’s  _ me _ that people love. Don’t forget that.”

And what happened next robbed the air from his lungs as Taako was picking himself up off the floor from the harsh smack that had kicked him back to the wall. His face stung-no  _ hurt _ \- from where the other’s large hand had connected, a thin stream of blood leaking from his nose.

Taako felt the drip of blood on his hand, pulling it up as though he wasn’t seeing a growing puddle on his tanned skin of the sticky red substance. As though his breathing hadn’t become labored as he looked up to Sazed, the man that he trusted, the man that was his  _ partner _ , the man who he fucking _loved_ standing above him shaking with anger.

“You… You hit me.” Taako almost didn’t recognize his own voice over the high pitched ringing in his ears. From somewhere deep in him, he felt a sob choke him. “You just fucking hit me.”

“Taako… I-I, fuck I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Sazed was on the floor next to Taako in an instant, those hands suddenly gentle and full of the tenderness that used to be there.

“You fucking  _ hit me _ .” Taako shoved away from him, tears pouring over his cheeks. He wiped his face on the back of his hand, a smear of blood and tears marring his skin. He scrambled away and steadied himself with his dirty hand on the wall of the caravan, bloody fingerprints appearing under his touch.

“I said I’m sorry!” Sazed was now getting choked up, tears rimming those blue eyes of his. Taako cursed himself for the twinge of hurt in his heart at the sight. “I drank too much wine, I should never… I  _ would _ never.”

Taako stayed against the opposite wall, feeling his breathing getting ahead of him and his head a bit light. He tried to calm down, he really did, but he was frozen to that spot, watching Sazed slowly inch closer to him with his hands outstretched.

‘The hands that  _ hit _ me.’

In all his years in shitty homes with shitty people with shitty things to say, Taako had never been struck. 

Maybe he’d be stronger for this if they had.

He found himself crumpling against Sazed’s broad chest, sobbing loudly into it as his fingers wound tight in the fabric of his top. Sazed’s arms comforted him and Taako fucking  _ hated _ himself for still needing this man, but he just needed something to ground him. To make him okay. To take away the edge of panic that was overcoming him so strongly that his extremities went cold and started shaking.

Sazed picked him up and shuffled them over to their sad excuse for bedding-a few layers of blankets on the wooden floor just mere centimeters from their two person table and chairs. Taako was still breathing hard, his vision tunneling around Sazed as he hovered over him.

He choked on a sob, a rough hand rubbing between his legs as Sazed kissed his cheeks and neck. Tears continued down his cheeks, unclear fragments of ‘make it up’ and ‘feel better’ and ‘sorry’ all mumbled into his skin. He could feel the other’s hardness rutting against his thigh and cried harder.

“N-No…” That couldn’t have been him. That wasn’t Taako. That wasn’t Taako from TV. That broken, sorry excuse for a voice could not possibly someone who had the world and someone to share it with.

It especially wasn’t him who nearly screamed as Sazed pushed into him, unprepared and dry, and cried throughout the whole thing. It normally hurt a fair amount when they had sex, but this time, something was different. With each thrust, he let himself slip away further, his sobs quieting down to silent tears, green eyes blinking up at the ceiling of the caravan.

This was the man that he loved. And if he wanted to make up hitting him by fucking him into the mattress, he’d let him.

Even when Taako choked out a plea for him to stop, that it was excruciating for him, it was his fault. He should have been more forceful. More adamant. He shouldn’t have been that fucking hard and desperate to cum for the man who had just knocked him off his feet mere minutes ago.

Those thoughts plagued him as he curled up quietly on the bedding after Sazed had left to ‘clear his head.’ His eyes ached, still brimming with unshed tears yet unable to close, images of Sazed over him flashing each time he blinked. He was scared to close them for longer than that.

Yet he waited for Sazed to come back. Each creak made him think that he was back to console him, to curl up with him and rub his back to help soothe the ache of his lower half.

Taako really was useless. He couldn’t even bother to get up and clean the dried blood and cum from the sheets he laid on. He  _ wanted _ to lay in it. It’s what he deserved.

  
Though, what happened wasn’t what  _ they _ all deserved.


	3. Reflection in the Glass

It was hard telling Lup. It was as though she felt everything as he told her. Lup had tears streaming down her face, her mouth covered. About half way through, she walked over to him and hugged him tightly to her. Taako didn’t fight her, didn’t want to admit that he needed her to do that for him.

“He’s lucky he’s in fucking prison.” Lup growled as she detached from her brother at the conclusion of his story. “Even luckier I don’t know what the fucker looks like.”

“Lup.”

“Hey, remember what I did to that Edward guy? And I was still in the umbrella, now I got a body.” She attempted to joke to lighten the mood, though it did little to do so. “Have you told all of this to Kravitz?”

“Fuck no.” Taako waved his hand once as though shooing away the thought.

“I know you’re not going to listen, but that’s  _ kinda _ important.”

“Lulu, I  _ know _ .” Taako pinched the bridge of his nose before running his fingers through his bangs. “How do you bring that up without scaring someone? Like, hey my dude, wanna hear about how my old boyfriend tried to kill me?”

“I love you Taako, I really do, but I don’t think that you’d be able to scare the Grim Reaper if you tried.” She leaned her elbows back on the counter, silently admiring how all of their heart to hearts happened in the kitchens in their lives. Fitting. “Hasn’t this come up when you guys are, y’know?”

Taako looked over to her with a deadpan expression, brows knit together.

“You can’t even fucking say “having sex?” You’re fucking married for fucks sake.”

“Sorry I don’t want to talk about you having sex with my direct work superior.” Lup shot back with a finger gun.

“We haven’t yet.” Taako tapped his fingers nervously on the countertop.

“I don’t believe you.” Lup crossed her arms.

“Well, fuck me then because we haven’t.”

“You’ve been dating for what, at least 6 months?!” 

“Thanks for the count Lu, I didn’t have it down in my fucking fantasy calendar!” Taako lowered his voice when he saw Barry poke his head around the corner from his seat on the couch. “We’ve done other shit. It just… Never worked out yet. On my end.”

“Oh,  _ oh _ .” Lup was smart as hell, but when it came to knowing when to quit, she was a bit slow. “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t think.”

Taako didn’t respond, just looked out the window for something to bring up. Anything that would take away the poison in his stomach…

_ Poison _ .

His breath hitched and Lup’s mouth opened a moment as though she’d heard his thoughts and once again enveloped him in a hug. Taako brought his hands up to push her arms away, though he ended up squeezing her arms instead, sighing.

“I didn’t kill those people, but I still ran when I thought I did.” Taako mentioned, shifting uncomfortably in his sister’s arms. “And like I said, Kravitz is perfect. He’s sweet and funny and hot as hell… And I’m someone who ran away when he thought he murdered 40 people.”

“You were a different dude then.”

“But if I was in the same situation now… Lup, I think I’d probably do the same thing. That’s what Taako does, gets in too deep then fucks off when it’s  _ too _ much.”

“Koko…” She didn’t know how to respond to that but just continued to hold him like she did when they were children. Gods, she hated that she wasn’t there for him when all of this happened. “Cut yourself some slack. You didn’t know, you were scared.”

“I… Fuck. I guess.” He was exhausted from talking about it and just buried his face in Lup’s arms.

Maybe what he went through with him was his preemptive punishment for running.

Maybe… That’s just what Taako deserved.

~

Just a few more episodes and they would be finished for the season and have some time off. Taako found himself dreading it the more he thought about it. The only time things were kind of normal between them was when they were talking about the show and he’d become such a different person he hardly recognized himself.

“Taako?”

“Hm? Yeah, that’s fine.” He nodded when he passed Sazed the list of recipes. Just a few more towns and they could plant themselves for a while, maybe enjoy just being together. Who knew? Maybe Glamour Springs would be the perfect place to stop for a while.

“Remember, you said that I could be in the last episode.”

“Yes, Sazed. I remember.”

He also remembered the last time… What had happened when he attempted to tell him no. His ribs still hurt from it.

“Can we practice one more time before Glamour Springs?” Sazed asked lightly, nonchalantly.

“Whatever you want.” Taako had cut their cooking lessons as much as he could, but Sazed continued to press him for more. He seemed more headstrong about this one, and he’d asked many many times about it. Taako rubbed at one of the bandages on his fingers, he’d have to change it before filming later.

He was Taako from TV. He was glamorous and beautiful and perfect.  _ He _ didn’t have the deep cuts in his skin from the slip of a knife.  _ He  _ didn’t blame it on being tired when they began happening more frequently.

....Or when they started happening elsewhere. Those lines were a grizzly reminder that despite how far away he felt, he was still here, still in this body.

Still here with Sazed.

He wasn’t quite sure which Taako he was anymore, if he was being honest. He didn’t feel like anyone anymore and apparently his fans had begun to notice. When he met fans, they asked him if he was okay, if he’d been sick. Taako would shrug it off, pulling out that award winning gap-toothed smile.

“It’s exhausting being good at what you do, my man.” He’d say and be on his merry way.

Though, when Sazed got wise to Taako’s excuses, he was furious.

“You’re so beautiful, why would you do this to yourself?” Sazed yelled at him as his head hung in shame. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Taako wanted to scream. This was just another thing that was his fault. Everything was his fault ever since he told Sazed he wouldn’t change the show name… He’d been an idiot. He’d hurt the man he loved and this was just his cross to bear.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what else to do to make you happy Taako. I try really hard.” Those sparkling blue eyes that Taako could stare into for hours now stabbed into him.

“I know you do. I’m sorry.”

And then as per the normal, Sazed would kiss him and Taako would let his eyes fall shut trying to imagine how things used to be: how high he’d feel after a show, how proud he’d be to teach Sazed something, how warm it felt to wake in his arms early in the morning to begin traveling again. He wanted to go back to that.

He’d keep thinking about it when Sazed’s hands would run all over his body, even when Taako wanted to curl in on himself and sleep, when his arm hurt, when he felt sick. Even when he wanted to leave all of it behind, to stop feeling the hurt, to stop feeling so fucking trapped in everything he did.

And he got his wish, it all left him in an instant.

~

Kravitz held the door for him as he stepped through the threshold to his home. It was simple, not at all “Taako” except for the various colored garments left around the apartment. Taako kicked his heels off at the door and continued in, moving to turn on a light.

“Sorry it’s a mess.” Taako smiled coyly, crossing back to Kravitz. The reaper chuckled deep in his chest, an arm hooking around the small of Taako’s waist and pulling him to him.

“If this is a mess, I’d hate to see an actual one.” He placed a gentle kiss to Taako’s forehead, right on his hairline. “You should see my office.”

“Oh really? So Skeletor  _ does _ have a flaw. Lup’ll love that.”

“I’m sure she’s already seen it so many times she’s desensitized. Barry as well.”

“Well fuck, there goes my fun.” Taako pushed out of Kravitz’s grasp, fake exasperation in his tone.

“Yes, I’ve been told I’m rather good at making the fun disappear. Mostly by your sister.” He took his jacket off and tossed it over the arm of the couch, a peal of laughter falling from Taako as he went into the kitchen. He emerged a few seconds later with twin glasses between his fingers and a freshly uncorked bottle of wine in the other.

“Enough wine will fix that, my man.” He sauntered back over, handing Kravitz a glass and filling it past the normal fill line. Once he had his own glass and placed the bottle on the end table, he returned to Kravitz’s chest and melding to him as soon as the arm was around him again. “What should we toast to?”

“I think I’d like to toast to you, love.” Kravitz looked at him with such adoration in his dark eyes. Taako quirked a well kemp brow and smirked.

“Oh?”

“Yes.” He raised his glass and clinked it with Taako's. “To Taako, for never failing to keep me on my feet.”

“Mmm, to Taako to getting you off your feet too, handsome.” Taako clinked his glass once more to Kravitz before drinking deeply, watching as a blush tinted his dark skin. “Drink, bubbelah, you’ll get less flustered.”

“Not possible, I don’t think.” He chuckled that deep laugh once more and Taako felt his heart skip. Kravitz drank his wine a bit more gradually than Taako did, and by the time he had almost finished his whole glass, Taako was already warm and feeling much less tense.

He reached up both of his tanned hands to cup Kravitz’s face, bringing him down to meet his lips in a gentle, trying manner. He kissed him as though he were an inexperienced teen who had never kissed anyone and wasn’t sure how to do it. He still tasted of wine and a bit of the dessert they’d eaten at the restaurant, the one that Kravitz laughed about when the icing was more of a lip gloss than Taako’s actual makeup. Kravitz leaned down awkwardly to keep their kiss initiated, but put his empty wine glass on the end table next to the forgotten bottle. Using his free hand to reach into the silky locks that Taako had elaborately tied up, he pulled a few pins and gripped the hair that fell from the updo.

Taako gave a grateful sigh, his own fingers slipping to play with a few of the locs tucked behind his ear. He felt Kravitz shudder at his touch and smiled against his mouth.

“The coldest dude in the world and  _ you’re _ the one shivering.” He felt Kravitz smile in turn, Kravitz just shaking his head.

“You have that effect.” His large hands left Taako’s hair, trailing down his back and clasping right above his ass, holding him to him.

“Yeah well, you got a different effect.” He pushed his hips forward, grinding his arousal against Kravitz’s leg before pulling him back into a kiss. “Bedroom.”

While Taako would have been perfectly content to kiss and stumble their way up the hall, Kravitz pulled back and offered Taako his hand. Always a fucking gentleman, even on his way to doing nasty things to him.

When they hit the mattress, however, it was a different story. Kravitz took the lead, much to the surprise of Taako who found himself pinned under the larger man, his dreads tickling his cheeks as he smiled down at him. A lithe hand snuck around the back of Kravitz’s neck and pulled him downward, sucking on his bottom lip in earnest while rolling his hips up. A short gasp came from Kravtiz as he breathed out through his nose and Taako pulled back, dragging Kravitz’s lip with him a bit before letting go.

Despite his hands being cold, Taako pressed up into Kravitz’s touch, wanting every bit of contact he could get. His body burned with the need to be close to him, to feel him in every way possible. Kravtiz’s fingers tickled downward to stroke Taako’s obvious arousal, his mouth hanging open.

“Shit, Krav…” His voice betrayed him, coming out shaky at best. A bright smile and a flash of pointed canines was his reward, Kravitz dipping his head down to tease the flesh of Taako’s neck. He mumbled sweet things into Taako and sealed them with a kiss as though branding them into the heated skin. The mere feeling of the quick pinch of teeth and the smoothness of a tongue was enough for Taako to push his hips upward again as Kravitz moved to look down at him once more.

There was something within Kravitz’s dark eyes that Taako could see, a look that reminded him of something in the past. It sent a wave of… Something through him. His breath hitched, and Kravitz instantly backed off, a look of concern plastered on his features.

“Taako…” His name was laced with the same concern, Kravitz’s hand coming to rest on his cheek, thumb running over the freckles there.

“Krav, I- ” Taako sat up, eyes wide and forehead crinkling in putrid thought. " _Fuck_." His hands formed tight fists as he swung his legs out from under Kravitz, those fists coming up to rest on his forehead while his wrists pressed towards his eyes. Kravitz leaned over to tuck some hair behind Taako’s long ears, listening to the elf’s breathing become more erratic.

“Taako, what can I do?”

And fuck, Istus  _ damn it _ why did he have to be so… Like this?

“Do you want to stop for tonight? We can go back out and talk for a little while if that would be better.” Kravitz offered, his touch still feather light. Taako felt the burn of tears behind his eyes and swallowed past the lump in his throat.

“Krav,” he stared, green eyes moving up to catch the gaze on him. “I can't. I can't fucking do what I want. I just keep... _Fuck_. ”

“Love… What does that mean?” Kravitz sat back for a moment, watching as Taako’s expression screwed up a bit more. He was trying so hard not to cry. 

There was so much care and love and respect in everything Kravitz did and said to him…

Kravitz was too good to him. He didn’t deserve this. Not even a little bit.

Kravitz let out a gasp of shock when he realized tears had begun to spill over Taako’s flushed cheeks.

It was so embarrassing. Taako had had plenty of flings in the near past, though those were without feelings, no attachment. They were a quick fuck and a way to get off, something he could simply do and forget about and move on.

But this…

The way his heart felt so full whenever he was with Kravitz, the way that his smile just made him feel so loved, the gentle ways that Kravitz always asked for permission wordlessly.

Gods, he was in love with him.

But he hadn’t been in love since Sazed. And the word ‘love’ was so tarnished for Taako, something that he was terrified to feel again when he was destroyed by it the first time. He honestly couldn’t  _ remember  _ what he was like before Sazed, and that was no fault of the voidfish.

He took a moment to compose himself, looking up at Kravitz with tear filled eyes.

“I…” He started before clearing his throat and bringing his hands back down to his lap. “Listen, Taako doesn’t  _ do _ feelings like this, okay? This is really fucking hard.”

“Is there something that I’ve done? To… To bring this on?”

“Fucking hell Krav, no!” The frustration in his voice was palpable, Kravtiz’s brows knitting together in confusion.

“I don’t…”

“Kravitz. I don’t know how to do this. I’m so fucking used to wham, bam, thank you my man, bye.” He was nearing on frantic, though the light touch of Kravitz’s hand on his arm grounded him slightly.

“Is that what you want?” The reaper asked seriously to which Taako just groaned. He shook his head.

“I don't get why?” Taako asked, pulling away from Kravitz, his gaze dropping. Kravitz stayed still for a moment. “Why are you here? Is there something you want from me?”

Kravitz felt his heart lurch, and had it been beating, he would have felt it stop a moment.

“Taako, what are you talking about? There’s nothing that I’m trying to  _ gain _ by being with you. I just enjoy being with you, love, you should know that.”

“There’s nothing about me that people need for the long run, Krav. It’s okay.” Taako pushed out and Kravitz suddenly found himself unable to make his body move. “They get what they need and move on. Or they don’t get it, and leave. Either way.”

“Taako.” His voice was straight, and Kravitz shifted to get down on his knees in front of Taako, palms gently laying on his knees. “I don’t know why you’re saying all of this. If I’ve ever given you the impression of me wanting something from you other than to be with you, I’m sorry.”

Taako shook his head, blonde hair obstructing Kravtiz’s view of him.

“I want you, Krav.” Taako said quietly after a few tense moments of silence. The hands on his knees gave a squeeze. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Alright,” Kravitz was worried about where this was going.

“But there’s something I need to talk about first. I’m not nearly as perfect as you make me out to be, my dude.”

“I doubt that you could change my mind about you, love. But please, what’s been so wrong that every time I touch you, you look so hurt? Like you’re about to break?”

Taako inhaled sharply, and then he began to speak.


	4. Dominoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chapter contains graphic depictions of noncon/rape. Please do not read if you are triggered or upset by this and skip to the next chapter. Your mental health is not worth it. Thank you, stay safe.

It was the night before the last show and the tension was thick in the caravan as Taako laid out his clothing for the next day. He could feel Sazed’s gaze on him, boring through him as though they were knives into his skin. He tried to ignore it, he really did, but when he heard Sazed stir behind him, he froze slightly.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” He asked with an unwavering tone, soft footfalls coming up behind Taako who still knelt on the floor.

“Of course.” Taako answered simply. When looking at a specific top, he pushed it aside; he needed something with long sleeves and a high neck. He may be able to pass off the cuts on his arms as accidental kitchen goofs, though the bites and discoloration of his neck would be a little more difficult to pass off.

Taako felt his hair stand on end when a few fingers wove their way into the crown of his head. His breathing shallowed as Sazed continued to play with the strands while looking over his shoulder. Taako swallowed thickly and Sazed dropped to his knees behind him, the grip in his hair tightening as it was moved away from the back of his neck. He hissed slightly and felt Sazed’s lips at the base of his skill and shivered.

“I think it’s good that this is your last show,” he murmured into his skin, teeth digging in slightly.

“What?”

“You don’t hear them, Taako.” Sazed continued up towards his sensitive ears. “They’re getting bored with you. The same thing over and over.”

“Listen-” Taako was cut off by his hair being yanked forcefully, wincing and realizing that this was going to be another one of those nights.

“I don’t know why you won’t let me help you. I can make all of that go away. Haven’t I made everything better in the past? I just want you to succeed.” The tone didn’t match his actions. His hands were angry, his tone dripping in the sweet honey that had lured him in back in the beginning. 

“I… Don’t know anymore.” Taako admitted, his chest constricting as he felt the hand in his hair tighten again. “I want to think you want all those things for me my guy, believe, I do. But I don’t know if you actually do any more.”

“What are you saying?” His voice sounded genuinely hurt. For a moment, Taako started to believe him again.

A slim hand moved upwards to grab the wrist by his head, squeezing gently to coax Sazed into letting him go. The grip lessened, and Taako brought the hand downwards, turning to face the other finally. He knew the jealousy that Sazed possessed, the resentment of success that wasn’t his.

Things had changed so much, Taako hardly recognized the person he was around any longer. Nor did he recognize the scared individual he’d become… What happened to him? How did it go this far?

“Listen to me, Sazed.” Taako was uncharacteristically stern, nearly perfect brows coming down hard over those green eyes that hadn’t sparkled in so long. “After the show tomorrow, I think it’s time that you looked for somewhere else to live. It’s over.”

“Taako, what’re you-”

“I’m not doing this anymore.” He stood, looking down at the shell of the man he would have died for. Lithe arms crossed over his chest which still ached. “In other words, we’re done, hombre.”

Sazed stayed on the floor looking up at Taako, his eyes swimming with hurt as his mouth hung open. Taako was about to walk away, to get some air, and then Sazed rose to his feet slowly. Freezing where he stood, Taako took a sharp breath in, finally taking a step back. He knew this dance.

“You’re leaving me?”

“I… Yes.” His defenses were up, breathing heavy as Sazed took a step forward.

“After all I’ve done? The shows, the cleaning, the traveling, the being with you after all that  _ you’ve _ done?”

“Yes.” Taako turned, taking a few steps towards the back of the caravan, his bicep being grabbed and yanked backwards, nearly knocking him off balance.

Taako no longer cared what happened to him. Sazed had bruised him, nearly broken his bones, made him bleed. He’d torn him down mentally and destroyed his self image, shamed him for trying to fight back… 

And while he had come to terms with it happening, if for the last time, Sazed had other plans. Unfortunately, he knew how to hurt Taako better than anyone else.

It started out with Taako trying to tear himself out of the too-tight grip though he found himself being overpowered quickly. He was pushed back, falling unceremoniously onto their shared bedding and in an instant Sazed was over him, tearing at the sleeves of his top.

“You really think anyone else will have you?” He growled while showing Taako his own arms, pushing them down towards him with force. The white lines of scars littered his freckled skin, some still pink and tender. Sazed’s finger dug into one as he continued to push Taako’s thin arms down to his immediate line of sight. Taako hissed and cast a quick mage hand, shoving Sazed with all the force as he could muster, desperate to get away from him.

Before he could get far, there was a hand around his ankle, pulling backward and sending Taako to the hard wooden floor. His ears were ringing again after his head had hit the floor roughly, his vision fizzling out for a moment. Panicked, he was ready to burn all of his spell slots just to get away… Anything to get away from the man now pinning him to the ground. 

He couldn't do this anymore, he _couldn't_.

Taako shoved at Sazed who was once again kissing up his neck; the only thing that Taako was good for anymore was for him to fuck and toss aside, but he was going to struggle tooth and nail this time. There was no longer love between them, just bitter hatred. Hatred burned through him, his fingertips tingling with sparks of lightning that threatened to come out against his will. Sazed smirked.

“Not even for one last time, Taako?"

“Fuck you.” Taako bit out between clenched teeth. His arms were shaking.

“I wasn’t asking.”

“ _ Fuck you _ .” And then he was hit, his vision going blank for a moment, one that felt like an eternity. His limbs felt heavy and there was something wet by his head, Taako could feel it sinking into his hair, the cool air of the night causing him to shiver. Things sounded like they were miles away or he was listening to things through a hand cupped on the side of his head, and in that moment, he realized that Sazed must have hit him in the ear. He was bleeding.

His legs were pushed up by his shoulders, Sazed’s ragged breathing what he used to keep himself conscious. The snap of the larger man’s hips left Taako’s insides burning, shaky breaths coming through his nose as he tried so hard to stay mentally present. Taako wanted to hurt him the first chance he got.

But he never got that chance.

He was still so,  _ so _ dizzy from his head being hurt, he’d lost feeling in his toes and fingers. Taako felt his back arch up as Sazed dragged his cock out of him in just the right way, hearing a low chuckle by the ear that he could still hear out of.

“You want nothing to do with me anymore?” Sazed passed quietly, snapping his hips and hitting Taako’s prostate hard and unrelenting. Taako called out, not realizing that his nails were digging into Sazed’s arms. “But you still want this. Do you feel how hard you are?”

That strong hand wrapped around his length and squeezed painfully, Taako inhaling so hard that he nearly started coughing. His hatred for Sazed was quickly turning on himself as it often did, trying to bite back any pleasure he may have felt. Taako choked on moans, narrowing his eyes up at Sazed, ignoring the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing.

“I-I don’t fucking want you.” He spat out, taking his numb hands and pushing. There was no recognition of strength or force and his arms fell back to his sides uselessly. Another sharp snap of hips brought him keening, the build up in the bottom of stomach betraying him.

“So if I leave you here now, you won’t ache to come? To be stuffed with my cock anymore?” He pumped his hand in a relentless pace, Taako’s head falling back as he moaned deeply. “No one will have you, Taako. You know that.”

“S-Stop.” He pleaded, still trying to wriggle out from under Sazed. His breathing was harsh, vision turning truly black around the edges, the sudden spring of his orgasm washing over him. Taako heard himself scream, felt the cum across him as his breathing continued to quicken. His head felt so heavy and his eyes begged to be closed.

Deciding that being conscious was just too painful, he gave in. Taako fell into blackness.

~

When he awoke, the sun was shining in his face from a crack in the caravan curtain. Taako moved to sit up, his head pounding with the motion, though there were no obvious wounds anywhere on his head. Sazed must have healed him, the bastard.

He gripped his head in his palms, dried blood caked in his hair, and dried cum cracking on his stomach as his breathing quickened.

No. He had to stop. He had to get up. Today was the last show, just another few hours and he’d be free. He’d be able to put an incredible amount of distance between him and Sazed, and that’s all he wanted.

A weak prestidigitation wiped him clean as he took his time sitting up this time. Taako couldn’t be sure of how long it took him, but the searing pain in his bottom made it that much more difficult.

Somehow, he forced himself to get dressed, walking out of the empty caravan towards the set he’d be on today. Each step was agony and knocked the wind out of him, but he kept going. Just as he’d done for the past few years…

He’d. Keep. Going.

The set was quiet and no one else was present yet. His hair was tied back into a ponytail, short strands of blonde hair tickling the edges of his face. There was a bit of prep work involved in the recipe that he’d be doing and Taako went through the motions of preparing. If Sazed hadn’t shown his face yet, Taako was fairly certain he wasn’t coming.

While it would be more work on his end, Taako was silently grateful that he was alone, the ache of his lower half reminding him of why. He bent down to grab for a few small dishes for spices, wincing as he stood back up while absentmindedly pouring them out where he wanted them without any reference.

Thirty garlic clove chicken was something he could make in his sleep, and he was lucky that he’d saved the easiest for last. He’d have a nice, easy go of things and then could retreat out of the spotlight for a while to get his life in order… A life free of Sazed’s control.

As he began to go through the motions of preparing, Taako felt the bitter bile of self doubt creeping up his throat.

_ No one will have you, Taako. You know that. _

He bit at his lips, willing the voice in his head to quiet down. He was wrong. Taako had plenty of worth. He was a talented chef, a decent wizard, and-

He was all these great things but still came to someone who’d been abusing him for years… Who used him for his fame and body. He hadn’t been strong enough to bite back any bit of pleasure his body was being forced to feel…

Before he realized it, Taako couldn’t see through the blur of tears rimming his eyes.

He swore to himself and wiped at his face quickly, not allowing himself to break down just yet. There’d be plenty of time for that later.

~

The show was going well, Taako managing to pull out his typical character despite the aching pain in his stomach. He would nervously look over to where the stage coach was, each flurry of movement spinning his stomach into harsh nerves that made him sick. The smell of garlic was potent and was getting to him, very unusual for him.

Before the show, he’d prepared some small dishes for the audience in the front to try; a small plate with a simple garnish of elderberries to be served with a bit of the chicken when it was finished in the oven. One of the stage hands said that they would bring the plates out for Taako to magically serve up on, but that hand missed the cue.

Taako nearly went backstage himself before Sazed waltzed out with plates stacked on his arms. He smirked to himself when he saw Taako freeze.

“Here’s your plates, Babe.” Sazed said in a tone that was so overly sweet that Taako felt himself gag. The audience clapped as they saw him and he gave a little wave as he went to retrieve more plates.

Steadying his breathing, Taako returned to the oven and pulled the chicken out, the aroma filling the air and making the audience swoon. As he carved it into small portions using his transmutation magic, he got a whiff of the garlic again, his stomach flipping and bile once again rising in his throat.

Just the thought of tasting it threatened to make him vomit.

It was fine, he thought. He’d made this a thousand times and it always came out amazingly. It would be moot at this point to taste it anyway.

Slowly, the dishes began to fill and Taako would levitate them towards the waiting audience members. Sazed was in his periphery looking… Confused? The first 40 in their seats were rewarded with a bit of the chicken, happily taking the dishes out of air and biting into the chicken. There were sounds of contentment and a certain hush filled the audience as Taako leaned his hands on the counter to watch their reactions.

The award winning smile that he would always give appeared on his face, the rest of the audience clapping and cheering. The fantasy cameras began capturing the audience’s joy and excitement, though everything stopped when the sound of a plate breaking against the floor broke everyone out of their exuberance.

Green eyes shifted to the front row, the first person who had eaten the chicken who looked pale and was sweating quite a bit. They were screaming that their throat burned but that was drowned out by the next person beginning to scream, and the next, and the next…

And soon, the unaffected audience had run out of the studio, afraid of what was happening, watching as people collapsed in puddles of vomit and blood trickling out of their noses. Taako shook his head, sections of his hair falling down from his ponytail, blocking the sight only momentarily… But the sound of retching and choking still filled his ears.

The worst by far was the raspy calls for help, from throats that had been torn apart by  _ something _ .

Dear Istus above… What had he done?

As the terror began to seep in, a hand on his wrist jerked him to the side. Taako looked up and saw Sazed, panic written over his face as he nearly dragged Taako out to the stage coach, fixing the horses up to the front in a hasty manner. Taako sat in the front, his hands shaking, his stomach churning, breathing hard and much too fast. Sazed had snapped the reigns of their horses, muttering under his breath.

Hardly registering that they were moving, Taako leaned over the side of the caravan and vomited, a sob choking out from his throat.

“How… What did you do, Taako?”

“I… Fuck! Nothing! I just did what I always do!” His voice was usually high-pitched but he was nearing a frantic state.

“The magic you were doing. Did you do something wrong?”

“I couldn’t have, Sazed. I’ve done this a thousand fucking times!”

“ _ Think _ Taako!” He demanded and Taako felt the urge to throw up again.

“I-I… Maybe it was the elderberries… Maybe I… Transmuted them into something else by accident. I- Oh gods, I must have transmuted them into deadly nightshade by accident. I wasn’t thinking straight, I…” His hands came up to clutch at his face, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. All he could see in his mind was those people, gasping for breath as the light left their eyes.

“Taako. You killed all those people.”

“You don’t think I fucking  _ realize _ that, Sazed?!” He tore his hands away and looked next to him, a flurry of anger and panic evident in his tone. “I didn’t fucking know! I don’t know how it happened!”

“Well I hope you figure it out so you can live with yourself and what you’ve done.” Sazed wouldn’t look at him and Taako felt himself beginning to hyperventilate. 

“You’re not fucking helping me!” He nearly screamed, desperate for something, anything to ground him.

“I don’t think there’s a way to help you anymore, Taako.” Sazed’s voice was flat. Taako slumped to the side, his head against the seat as he tried to breathe… “How do you help a murderer?”


	5. Bandaids For Bulletholes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's explicit consensual sex in this chapter! This will be the last chapter of substance plot wise, the next one will wrap it all up.
> 
> Thanks for reading this little fic, I have another one that's going to take place within this same universe, concerning Taako and Lucretia post the events of this fic.
> 
> Thanks again!

Taako dried his eyes, returning his arms to hug his knees to him, chin resting on top. Kravitz was silent, looking as though he were about to cry as well, lips parting as though he was going to say something, but nothing came.

“I must have passed out because we wound up in another town for the night. Sazed dragged us out onto the road when it was still dark and I slept in the back. I couldn’t… I didn’t want to be around the fucker. I had enough going on.” Taako fidgeted with his fingers, something Kravitz had _never_ seen him do before. “When I woke up, it was dark again. I didn’t know how much time had passed. But we were so far away from Glamour Springs, Sazed must have traveled all day into the night. And when I went to ask him, he was gone.”

“Taako…” Kravitz held out a hand to snake between his two fidgeting ones. “How did you ever manage to keep moving on?”

Taako let out a sad breath that resembled a laugh.

“Like Taako always does, homie. Just picked up and kept going.” His hand was limp in Kravtiz’s, but Taako couldn’t believe how warm he was, and he hadn't even cast a prestidigitation over him. “Never cooked with magic for anyone I gave two shits about since then. Never stopped thinking about it. For some reason, murder always hangs on your mind. But I guess things got better… One of the relics helped too.”

“The relics? What do you mean?”

“When me, Magnus, and Merle were in Refuge, the chalice was there and showed us all the worst thing in our lives that sent us to where we were at that point. I could see Sazed. He had a bottle of poison in his hand. He must have snuck into the studio kitchen and put arsenic in the chicken.”

“Oh. Oh  _ gods _ .”

“Yeah. He was probably trying to kill me, but I never tasted the chicken. I felt too sick that day. So, all those people died in my place. Jokes on that stupid fuck, I guess.”

The silence was heavy, crushing even. It was a lot to take in for Kravitz, and even after he’d processed it, how does one comfort another when his life has been pulled apart so many times? He had remember seeing in the death tome a large amount of deaths at the time, however Kravitz had thought nothing of it. In a time when the world was in such chaos over grand relics and power trips, mass deaths were unfortunately a reality he was faced with. The deaths in Glamour Springs meant nothing to him.

“I… Didn’t really know how to bring that up. I only just told Lup about it, too.”

“Love, you didn’t have to tell me if you weren’t ready.” Kravitz leaned over, pulling his hand out of Taako’s and cupping his cheek.

“I figure you deserve to know why I haven’t taken your train to the rails yet. You should know that at least.”

“That’s more than understandable, Taako. And I appreciate you being honest with me, I’m sure it was hard.”

“Fucking- How are you so… Damn it Krav!” Taako yelled at him, and for a moment Kravitz was confused, drawing back as though he’d been burned.

“I’m… Sorry?”

“No, y’big dope. Come here.” Taako allowed his arms to open, his legs straightening out. Kravitz did as he was told, moving to the open arms in front of him and embracing Taako as much as he could. His lips pressed against his forehead, his temple, his cheek… And Taako leaned into it, allowing himself to be cradled to Kravitz chest. "I ran, Krav. I thought I killed all those people and I fucking _ran_. I only _just_ found out that I didn't do anything wrong. But all that shit brought up Sazed and now..."

“It doesn’t bother me, Taako. Waiting until you’re ready.” Kravitz mumbled into the top of his head. “You've gone through something... I wouldn't wish on anyone. But, time has a way of getting away from you after a certain amount of it, I'm sure you can relate. So, know that I have eternity to give."

“Can you stop being so fucking charming for once in your god damned life?” Taako shook his head and Kravitz could nearly hear him rolling his eyes. A deep laugh sounded from his chest and he shook his head as well.

“Sorry, I don’t believe I know how to stop.” Kravitz continued to laugh, Taako looking up at placing a kiss on his chin, beard tickling his lips.

“Stay with me.” He whispered, clutching to the front of Kravtiz’s sleeping shirt. His green eyes peeked out from behind his messy bangs, those eyes that Kravitz couldn’t fight the more he’d gotten accustomed to them.

“Of course.” He murmured, once again placing a kiss to the crown of his head.

Taako didn’t usually like others present for his meditation and trances, but being around Kravitz was different. He’d trusted him with his deepest secrets and wounds and had been accepted as though it was the natural thing to do. Perhaps it was for him.

Kravitz didn’t need sleep, but sometimes liked to indulge in it just to remember what it felt like to dream. He did so curled around Taako, listening to the faint beating of his heart.

~

It was bright and Taako stirred quietly, blinking and looking around. His eyes still felt puffy from the night before, the weight of Kravitz next to him causing the mattress to sag. He smiled down at him, getting up quietly to use the restroom and coming back to lay with him.

The sun caused Kravtiz’s skin to almost glow, the warm sun accenting his dark tone in golden rays. Taako sighed, eyes tracing down the sharp line of his jaw, hidden only by the neatly trimmed beard there. He continued to admire this man that he was able to call his until he began to stir as well, deep red eyes opening slowly. A warm smile upturned his lips as he moved a few locs out of his face.

“Good morning.” He said, gravelly tone warming Taako’s chest.

“Morning, handsome.”

“Did you sleep alright?”

“Don’t sleep, my dude.” He said matter of factly, despite the fact that sometimes he still indulged in it. Instead, he allowed himself to be pulled into Kravtiz’s surprisingly warm grasp. “And you don’t need to either.”

“Call it a guilty pleasure.” He kissed Taako gently, the elf melting into him with a contented exhale. It carried on a bit longer than he had intended, Taako’s arms folding around the back of his neck and drawing him closer. Kravitz found himself over him, laying between his legs and enjoying the feel of Taako’s tongue in his mouth. When they finally parted, Kravitz only managed to pull back enough for his forehead to rest on Taako’s.

“I see your corporeal form is getting back into the swing of things.”

“Hm?” Kravtiz hummed in question and Taako merely smirked. He shifted his hips back and forth, the arousal that was poking him in the hip being acknowledged. Kravitz smiled only slightly, looking down at him. “Well, I can’t really help that I’ve woken up to a beautiful being in my arms, now can I?”

“Smooth.” Taako continued that shit eating grin, pressing it against Kravitz’s mouth, teeth nipping at his bottom lip. He pulled back, managing to get Kravitz’s mouth open, jamming his tongue back in. Fingers carded through blonde locks, scalp tingling as he gave a few tugs, Taako letting out small sounds into his mouth.

“Your form is waking up as well.” Kravitz mumbled, finally pulling back, lips slick with saliva.

“You gonna do something about it or…?” Taako pushed his hips up, grinding into Kravitz and pulling a sharp breath from him. Taking a moment, he reached down to pull Taako’s tank top over his shoulders, watching as his hair fanned out as he pushed back against the pillows. Kravitz pressed open-mouth kisses to his throat, tongue lapping in teasing shapes and patterns. Continuing down to his sternum, Kravitz dragged his teeth against the skin, Taako giving out a small whimper as his head fell back. Wasting no further time, Kravitz’s fingers tweaked across his nipples, a more audible gasp tumbling from Taako’s mouth, unconsciously arching into the touches on his skin. A particularly sharp pinch sent Taako’s hips upwards and Kravitz laughed against him earning a feigned bit of anger.

Kravitz’s free hand dragged down Taako’s trim side, resting on his hip, fingers tapping towards the obvious tent in his pajama pants. A small plead fell from Taako, much to his horror, and Kravitz pinched a nipple again to which Taako glared.

“Sorry love, you’re just too fun to play with.” He kissed his sternum again and Taako rolled his eyes.

“That’s all rad, but can you…?” Once more, Taako’s hips canted upwards, this time pushing into Kravitz’s stomach. The Reaper smiled, his fingers floating below his waistband to grab at his erection. Taako sighed in relief as Kravitz circled him, squeezing slightly and rubbing the pad of his thumb right under his head.

Taako lifted his hips to push his pants down, Kravitz pushing them all the way down his legs, his own discarded as well. On his way back up, Kravitz pulled his own shirt off, draping himself back over Taako with a smile.

“Better?”

“Much.” Taako reached up around him, pulling Kravitz down to kiss at his jaw. Their erections were between the both of them, small noises and gasps falling from both.

Kravitz pulled back for a moment.

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked quietly, the things that were revealed to him flashing through his mind.

“What? Yeah?” Taako raised a brow and Kravitz kissed it.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, love.”

“I’m not that fragile, Krav.” He huffed, annoyance laced in his tone.

“Taako, I didn’t mean-”

“I didn’t tell you all that shit so you’d treat me differently.” Taako’s gaze began to fall to the side rather than up at Kravitz and honestly, the Reaper panicked a bit.

“I don’t mean to, I just…” He sighed gently, rolling off of Taako and laying on his side facing him. “I want to make sure you realize that I will never,  _ never _ , do something like that to you.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Green eyes closed slowly. “Fucking hell Krav, I just didn’t want to keep anything from you. That’s it. I’m okay now.” Kravitz gave him an uncertain look, nodding slowly.

“I know. I’m glad.” He reassured Taako who now looked thoroughly upset. Reaching a hand out, Kravitz pulled Taako's left wrist upwards, the one with the ugly scars that marred his tanned skin. Taako inhaled sharply, the urge to tug his arm back overwhelming. For a moment, he missed his Bureau bracer; the silver cuff at least hid those scars from prying eyes. 

“Krav…” His voice was quiet and small. A glimpse back to his past sent his head reeling. Kravitz didn’t answer, just brought his arm up to his soft lips and kissed over those scars, threading his fingers through Taako’s so he cradled the back of Taako’s hand in his palm. “Kravitz, it’s okay. There’s just gonna be some shitty parts to me. They’ll be gone when I put up my normal glamour anyway.”

Kravitz shook his head, continuing to kiss the scars, moving up his arm until he placed a final kiss on his shoulder and pulled back.

“No, Taako. These aren’t a shitty part of you.” Kravitz said, looking at the face of the man next to him. “Well, not to say it’s good… But this is proof of you having gone through hell and surviving. I wouldn’t say that’s shitty.”

Taako made a weak sound that got lost in his throat and Kravitz squeezed his hand.

‘ _ You really think anyone else will have you? _ ’

Gods, that voice shot straight through him.

“I love you, Taako. Every part of you.” He pressed one more kiss to his pulse point on his wrist before letting go.

“I was told no one else would ever have me.” Taako managed to get out. That’s when Kravitz nearly shook with recognition of something similar Taako had told him.

‘Because I’m worried no one else will have me.’

Kravitz's chest ached, despite the fact that his heart didn't beat.

“I will, though. If  _ you’ll _ have  _ me _ .” Kravitz smiled up at him and Taako huffed again, leaning over to kiss his forehead. If Kravitz didn’t know any better, he’d swear that there were tears rimming those beautiful emerald eyes. That was confirmed when Taako sniffed a little, clearing his throat.

“Well, all that was a boner killer.” He shook his head and Kravitz laughed warmly.

“I suppose it was. Though I’m sure that we can do something about that.” A large hand slithered across Taako’s stomach, making him shiver as he bit his lip under gapped front teeth. Kravitz allowed his hand to slide down the line of his hips, grasping at the softened cock between Taako’s legs.

It was nothing like Sazed, who’d take him even if he was soft and disinterested. No, Kravitz’s hand teased his flesh with little touches, taking him in palm, and just feeling the weight of his dick against his skin. Taako let out little sighs, pushing up towards him, already half hard from his minor touches.

Taako’s head fell back a bit, his own hand trailing down Kravitz’s beautiful abs, following suit and reaching for his cock. Kravitz shook his head, pulling his hips back.

“Let me make you feel good, love.” The covers were thrown up and back, Kravitz moving down Taako’s legs, kissing the ‘v’ of his hips and sucking at the sensitive skin there. The anticipation of his mouth had the elf trembling which was not lost on Kravitz. A smile pressed into the bruises forming as Kravitz centered himself over Taako, taking his half-hard cock just barely into his mouth.

“Fuck, Krav…” Taako breathed, swallowing as Kravitz gently lapped at the velvety skin. Taako hardened in his mouth, bringing his hips upward to get more of himself into that beautiful and surprising warmth… Though he found his slim hips under the tight grasp of his boyfriend, a whine coming from him. Kravitz chuckled around him and Taako let out a strangled cry, looking down at him with half-lidded eyes.

His tongue coaxed him, rubbing smoothly against each inch of him before he sank down on Taako, pulling back up in an instant. Taako’s hand moved to his head, shaking as he began to pant for breath. Kravtiz indulged him for a few more moments before he broke off, his hand replacing his mouth, stroking the slickness of his skin.

“Better?” He asked, kissing Taako’s jaw.

“Obvs.” The word was breathy, as though the elf couldn’t function without Kravitz's mouth… And at that point, he was getting there. Taako surged forward and claimed Kravitz’s mouth with his once again, tasting the hint of salty precum that resided there. Something about that sent a new flash of arousal to Taako’s stomach, his cock giving an involuntary twitch upwards into Kravitz’s hand.

Just as it was getting good, Kravitz pulled back, his hand leaving Taako’s length aching in the cold air of the room. He groaned in frustration before watching Kravitz sit up, something that looked too much like love in his eyes. Kravitz's long fingers dipped into the cleft of his ass just below his balls and Taako froze before he pulled away instantly.

“Is this okay?” Kravitz asked him in a voice so thick and sweet that Taako felt himself well up with tears again.

“Mm, hold on.” Mumbling a clumsy cantrip, Kravitz's fingers became slick, and Taako gave a nod.

“I’ll go slow. If anything feels wrong, let me know.” Kravitz’s eyes flickered down to his hand as he teased Taako’s hole gently, the pad of his finger spreading some of the magical slick to the puckered skin. Taako tried to keep his hips still, knowing that the more he moved the more it would  _ hurt _ and he didn’t want to hurt this time. Not when a man he absolutely adored and actually gave a fuck about him was over him.

When his finger pushed past the ring of muscles, Taako keened loudly, fully expecting Kravitz to shove forward as most of his lovers had done. When he felt the finger massaging at his insides, he looked up to those beautiful eyes that gazed down at him, watching his face for every bit of a reaction that he’d give.

“This okay?” He asked again. Taako merely nodded his head quickly, trying to keep his hips still as possible as Kravitz worked his finger further back, tingles in his stomach distracting him from anything else for a while. Once Kravitz had exhausted what he could do with a single finger, Taako could feel the tip of his middle poking at him and opened his eyes. As though being asked yet again, Taako let out a desperate sound that Kravitz took as a go ahead, and his second finger was pushing past the muscles now.

Taako let out a shaky breath, the familiar sting of being stretched burning through his lower half. Despite this, Kravitz took his time, continuing to massage him open while feeling how Taako's body was reacting. It shocked Taako to no end, but after a few minutes, the pain was gone completely and he was being taken over by pleasure as Kravitz scissored his fingers apart gently.

Finally managing to get his head about him, Taako looked down to Kravitz, seeing that his eyes were still glued to him. He knew that he was being watched in case he needed to stop, but Taako decided to let himself enjoy it a bit more. He pushed down on Kravitz’s hand and let out a throaty moan, seeing Kravitz swallow thickly.

“You’re doing well, Taako.” Kravtiz choked out slightly, watching as precum dripped from his tip and down his length. The praise caused Taako to suck in another sharp breath, pushing down on his fingers again. Kravitz moved his wrist with him, pushing his fingers that little extra bit, the tip of his middle brushing against Taako’s prostate and sending him into a small fit.

“Fucking  _ gods _ -!” His head had snapped up from the pillows, sitting and looking down at Kravitz with nothing but pure hunger in his eyes. He’d never felt a jolt like that feel so good before and he wanted it again. “Enough Krav, let’s go.”

“I’d like to do one more before we start.” Kravitz explained calmly, nearly laughing at the look of disappointment in his lover’s face. “Come now, love, I want to make sure that you’re enjoying yourself.”

“Me asking you to fuck me isn’t me enjoying it?” Taako was nearly cut off by another sharp thrust of Kravitz’s hand, his cock twitching.

“It will make it better.” Kravitz leaned over to kiss Taako gently, knowingly. “I promise.”

And true to his word, Kravitz added his third finger, watching as Taako squirmed and squealed with every movement. His breath was ragged, body coated in a thin sheen of sweat as his hips moved with him.

“Krav…”

“Are you ready, love?”

“What do you think?” Taako referred to his neglected cock, bouncing with each thrust of his arm.

“I’d really feel better if it came from your mouth.”

“You fuckin’ perv.” Taako rolled his eyes.

“Taako.” There was a moment of seriousness between them before Taako conceded.

“Fine,” he sat up to the best of his ability to close the distance, shivering at the feeling. “Fuck me now.”

“You’re sure.” Kravitz allowed the words to come out as a statement, feeling Taako’s slim fingers wrap around the back of his neck, bringing their foreheads together.

“Kravitz. I need you.” Voice barely a whisper, Taako let out another shaky breath. “Please.”

Smiling sweetly, Kravitz connected their mouths together, slow and languid, taking his time. There was nothing hurried about it, nothing pressing, as though he actually enjoyed the act of being with Taako…

And then Taako remembered Kravitz  _ did _ .

He broke away, looking into those shining green eyes that were still lined with tears, giving another kiss to both of Taako’s cheek bones.

“Should I say it again?” Kravitz asked breathlessly.

“What?” 

“If something isn’t right, let me know. Please.” The Reaper took himself in hand, rubbing the rest of the magical slick over his arousal, heavy and aching with need. “ _ Please _ .”

“I… Will.” Taako swallowed through the painful lump in his throat. Kravitz seemed content with that and lined up with Taako’s entrance, hooking Taako’s legs over his arms. As his head pushed forward, Taako gasped, back falling against the mattress again. Kravitz’s dark eyes focused on the near ethereal face below him, watching as Taako’s swollen lips parted in a silent moan. Kravitz pushed further, redness rising beneath the smattering of freckles on Taako’s cheeks and nose, absolute fondness tickling the Reaper’s insides.

Taako breathed deeply through his nose like he’d taught himself to do, to not cry out in pain. Kravitz was bigger than Sazed, there was no way that this wouldn’t be agony…

And then Kravtiz’s hips connected to Taako’s pelvis, and he opened his eyes, breathless but okay.

“K-Krav-” The tearful call of his name was nearly lost in a scream as Kravitz pulled out and thrust back forward. His eyes had shut tightly again, feeling tears slipping out of the corners as he felt another thrust shove his body upward. Taako couldn’t help the cries that fell from him, feeling like he was completely out of control. He hadn’t felt like this… Ever. As far as he could remember.

“Taako?” His name pulled his gaze back up to the man over him, blinking softly down at him, concern laced on his features. Taako let out a single laugh, more tears flowing from his eyes as he nodded. Summoning his strength, he pushed his body upwards, gripping Kravitz to him.

“Keep going.” He whispered into the ear by his mouth and Kravitz held Taako to him to the best of his ability from this angle. The thrusts began to build to a rhythm, Taako crying out into Kravitz’s shoulder when he got particularly deep. Taako’s arousal rubbing against their stomachs pulled gasps from both of them, Kravitz feeling the sweat forming on his brow.

They stayed like that for a while, enjoying the feel of each other, surrounding each other, breathing each other in. Kravitz’s thrusts began to speed up quite a bit, Taako’s head falling back to look at him.

“I-I’m close, Taako.” He moaned out, and Taako exhaled brokenly. He merely nodded, nails scratching at Kravitz’s shoulders. A large hand reached between the two of them and Taako waited to feel a hand around him… And then he felt Kravitz take himself in hand as he started pulling out. A whine fell from Taako’s lips, and Kravitz looked at him in question.

“Stay.” He muttered, his head falling back to the shoulder in front of him. “Come in me.”

Kravitz felt the arousal pooling in his stomach explode at the words, letting out a low groan as he slammed back into Taako a few more times. He went rigid as Taako’s name spilled from his lips, Taako letting out a hiss as he continued to move over Kravitz. Once Kravitz had recovered, he put a shaky hand over Taako’s cock, pumping him quickly as Taako cried out.

“You’re so close, love. Come for me.”

His body was tired and it  _ ached _ but it was such a good ache that he let his head turn to Kravitz’s neck. His teeth ran along dark skin, biting when he wasn’t sighing and gasping for breath. A sudden twist of Kravitz’s wrist and Taako was cumming over his hand between them, his orgasm tearing from the very bottom of his stomach and blinding him completely. It’d been the most powerful climax he could ever remember having and sat trembling in Kravitz’s lap for a time that felt like an eternity.

Eventually, Kravitz assisted in laying Taako back down on the bed, pulling his overly sensitive cock out of him and kissing his nose. Taako laid still, continuing to gulp in air as though he’d been drowning, a few shudders pulling through him in waves.

Kravitz smiled down at his flushed face, watching his chest heave as his breath slowly returned to him. Using a quick cantrip, both himself and Taako were cleaned of the stickiness of their lovemaking, leaving Kravitz to watch down over the elf, an arm thrown over his eyes.

“Are you alright?” Kravitz’s hand found its way to his shin, squeezing gently, watching Taako drop his arm. Tears were flowing down in rivers and he choked a bit on a sob. “Oh, love…”

Taako shook his head almost violently, trying to say something but once again being stopped by tears. He simply opened his arms and Kravitz quickly laid down next to him, filling Taako’s embrace and dragging him closer to his bare chest.

“Was that too much?” Kravitz asked quietly, peppering Taako’s forehead in gentle kisses as his hands rubbed soothingly along his arms and back. Taako looked up, moving his hand to cup Kravitz’s cheek and bring him down for another sweet kiss. He put so much into it as their lips moved together, his tears falling and wetting Kravitz’s cheeks in turn.

“I fucking love you.” He finally managed to get out in a broken tone. Those words wrenched Taako's heart in a painful way, another sob getting caught in his throat. “I love you so goddamn much, Krav.”

“Oh, Taako,” Kravitz held him tightly in his arms, allowing him to cry and hiccup quietly. He knew that Taako probably had so much emotion inside him that this was the result… And he was going to let him feel it all and ride those waves with him. He’d never seen Taako so vulnerable, but the trust that the elf had put in him by showing this to him was something he could never thank him enough for. “Taako, I am more than lucky to have had to chase you down. I thank the Raven Queen every day.”

Taako sniffled a bit, peeking up through his bangs.

“I love you in a way that I’ve never known in life nor death; in a way that is both terrifying and exciting. I can’t even begin to think of my future without you.”

“Wh-Why,” Taako choked out again and Kravitz was about to answer, when Taako continued. “Why do you h-have to one up me right now, asshole?” There was a moment of silence between them before Kravitz let out a peal of laughter, a deep one that shook Taako slightly. The elf smiled against his chest, drying his eyes.


End file.
